If patience is a virtue than I am evil incarnate. I think its genetic. The impatient part…not the evil part…well for the most part… Can I really help it? How does one learn patience? My only answer so far is age. At XX years I feel that I am much more patient than when I was 5. That’s an improvement.

Why is it important to be patient, I don’t know. Again, my best answer is that you get some free time to “think”, to make you not go crazy. Except I don’t see it exactly that way because more time CAN make you go crazy exactly because you do have time to “think”. About things. Stuff. Everything. Nothing.

For those like me with time to spare, being there and aware of your life every minute takes patience. When you’re ready to go, more time seems like too much and once you’re there, there’s never enough time. Patience is another life lesson I don’t have the patience to learn, even if it is for the better.

It’s difficult to say what brings on success in life. There are many methods, beliefs, quick fixes, schemes, scams, ways, directions, and so on to define your own success. Through my year of inner soul searching about what it means to be a success in my own life, I have finally come to an answer that I find not only sensible but effective. Put into play for the majority of time, it will undoubtedly bring forth desired results without much frustration that may come from the general worry of life and mind buzzing thoughts. It’s only funny because I would not have come unto this conclusion without having done what I did without regrets and care for consequences.

Are you ready?…Here it comes…Moderation!

Haha, which you actually already knew from the title of this post. But let me elaborate more. Moderation is about the middle of things, extremes. Too much of something makes your blood boil hot and furious, your mind wander the desert for 40 years, and your heart breaks into a trillion jagged little pieces. Too little of something makes your eyes hollow and blind, your skin loose and weathered by decay, and finally your soul shrinks to infinitesimal nothingness, dried into a withered abyss. What drama, I know! In more everyday terms, getting too much of something leaves you worried you won’t have enough later and getting too little of something leaves you worried you won’t every have anything. Living in moderation is not about renouncing dreams and desires, never striving for more than what you have, no. It’s about just being darn happy about it all, little or a lot. A life lived “in between” is able to duck under the waves and surface afloat while also catching the next wave to ride to shore.

This whole idea of moderation came up when I looked at many parts of my life: health and exercise, social life, career, relationships, etc. Certain things I worked above and beyond for while others doggedly hauled their heavy bodies behind my stride. When failure, fatigue, or disappointment came about, due to my extreme practices, it was much more of a blow. Having trying to embrace moderation as the key to contentment, means I work at everything at a suitable level of quality never over exerting my emotions and abilities to the point of exhaustion and losing control. That is not to say I don’t work as hard as hell on things like my career, but I just can’t let that beat out all the other parts of my life.

I thought that maybe it was everyone living their lives in such extremes and when I reexamined myself, it was just me and my mentality on life. Living an up one day a down the next. All out one day and lazy lump of a potato the next. It’s too much to handle the swing of things everyday, every second and moment of your life. All my travels can be considered extreme in a sense. Drop everything, quit your job, and just get the hell out of here. Now that I am back in the Bay Area, trying to find a job (oh did I forget to mention my new life change here?), I don’t ask what was the point of my adventures. I cherish them with all my heart for what they were because now that I am back, I am in love again. No pits or depths of despair because I have come to terms about loving every single aspect of my life, be it fun and exciting or slow and dull, because that is what makes up a real, true life! EVERYTHING is what makes it life! I had to go away to appreciate it and now I am back and well, appreciating it.

What a lesson I feel I have learned this year. I didn’t HAVE to go explore the far corners of the world, but I did. And I am damn happy I did. I sat around for months with no travels, no work, no direction, no life. I didn’t HAVE to do that. I could have worked picking toe jam junk out of old lady’s feet. (Haha bad visual) I am happy I did lay around though because now I just feel ready. I am excited for anything life has to offer now! Moderation helps everyone to live in greater balance, allowing them and me to be READY for the great future waiting for us.

The most important and powerful weapon in your life is CHOICE.

Though at times it may seem like there are no options, you have no power, and the deed has been done, that is not true. Whatever veil of society or convention or convenience that has blinded you to believe you are forced into a way of life is an absolute untruth. How much do you believe that your destiny floats along, bumped and jostled by the winds of time, your crumbled cookie, the cards you’ve been dealt, even the silverware you’re born with! In this modern day and age, most of us probably got popped onto this Earth with a plastic, mass produced IKEA spork in our mouths anyways. Could we ever reach for a silver spoon, maybe even dare to hope that there is a golden one too? Really, all we have to do is pick it up.

From my observations, there is confusion for many people looking farther forward to their desired outcome without understanding the process of directing one’s life with one’s own decisions. The reality, oohh reality, how we loathe thee, you more often than not seem to offer the choices of: most worst, worst, and bad. When in our dreamworld, oohh dreamworld, how we love thee!, you offer: best, great, and good. To make a clear distinction, choices all have self defined labels of good and bad, we impose onto them, biased by our experiences and opinions. Yet there are always, ALWAYS decisions to be made concerning what direction, actions, thoughts, mindsets, etc that we can take in our lives. Alas, sometimes these choices just aren’t the options we want available. And one might profess, they are forced into doing something, or have no choice just because they do not want to face the dreaded reality of accepting responsibility for their actions, as a chorus of ill fated events ebbs continually in and out of their life. Choice is greater than the circumstances that fall upon us because it is true freedom of oneself and mind.

The fact of the matter is we all want happy, wonderful outcomes from the choices in our lives. And as a matter of fact, we all deserve happy, wonderful lives as an outcome of our choices. Bad stuff does happen: major fact. Let your dreamworld and reality know and accept this. Choose to face these things and then let it go ebb out of your life. Good stuff happens too, choose to let it ebb in and rejoice in its splendor. You are your own way out or in, or away or near, or to happiness or to sadness, or to acceptance or to rejection, or to success or to failure, or ……..

Yesterday, I found a little bird that most likely fell out of its nest last evening. It was on the side of the road, chirping as loudly as its little lungs could give out, which for a bird that size was very loud. I took it home thinking I could bring it to the animal shelter the next day. What luck! The poor thing didn’t make it as I saw it shake it’s last feathers early the next morning. I am sad.

Yesterday, I found a half used $29.50 gas card that most likely fell out of someone’s bag a few feet away from the little birdie. It loudly called to me with its baby blue background and multi-colored patterns against the lifeless grey pavement. I took it home thinking I could use it later this week. What luck! The poor lost card is sitting on my coffee table. I am happy.

What’s it all mean? Who was lucky here? I don’t understand it. I was very excited when I came home that evening with some extra gas money and a little birdie to save. The morning brought an ending to little birdie’s life. It all seemed so bittersweet. Though everyone rationally knows that things die, people die, it’s not something that registers easily onto our souls. There are a million and one reasons why but I think one big reason that it’s hard to accept endings. And death being such a final ending that cannot be fought, bought, or wrought is the worst offender of all endings.

Thinking it through, I was lucky to have had a chance to help another living thing. I felt very good all the way home. Again, another reminder from this little birdie is to use whatever time you have wisely and vibrantly. Chirp your little hearts out as loud as you can everyday. Luck is what you make of it and you’ll always be rewarded in more ways than you’ll ever know.

Yo aprendo espanol. Quiero utilizarlo en Costa Rica. Esperanzadamente.

Translated with the help of BabelFish

Just do it. Find out what you need to find out in your life. Here is a short list of what we should all know about ourselves:

• Our personalities: Don’t fake it. Who is the real you? Once you figure it out, let it shine! Be the greatest you, you know you are! I’ve said it before so why don’t you start listening to it!

• Likes and loves: These are the things in your life that brings a smile to your face. Just thinking about these will brighten your day. Fill your life with them as much as possible.

• Dislikes and hates: Anything on this list is pretty much the opposite of the above. Make sure to banish these from your life or confront them head on. Don’t avoid what you don’t like. Change it or conquer it.

• What you want to do: This isn’t easy. I am going through this process right now but it is very important to help see what livelihood is meant for you. Don’t let something bleed you dry in blood, sweat, heart, and soul. Because at the end of the day when you have cashed that money what is left of you to enjoy it? Do what is good for you and the world.

• How to look at yourself: I do not mean in a mirror. Everyone should learn to look at themselves honestly, with love, and self-respect. Don’t lie to yourself! It maybe hard enough to front to the world but can you do that forever to yourself? Don’t hate yourself! You are the one taking care of it all, there’s no reason to put down and beat yourself up for mistakes. They just put you one step closer to the better you. Be proud! Relish in your accomplishments because they boost your self-esteem and confidence.

• How to have fun and relax: Modern day man may not be fighting off saber tooth tigers and prepping skins for the newest style of loincloth but they do find themselves in other tiring pursuits that again drain from you from the very depths of your soul mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Being able to step back and put yourself back together again through relaxation is necessary in this day and age.

• How to be happy and laugh: If you can’t laugh at yourself there’s no way you’ll be laughing when the world throws you a shit day, month, year, etc. You got to be happy no matter what comes. Be sad when you have to be but remember that the portion of sad to happy should always overwhelming be skewed to smiling and laughter.

• How to love: Love everything! Start small and close to your heart. Love yourself, your family, friends, pets, coworkers, etc. Nourish love in your life as it fuels kindness and compassion. Once all this loving-kindness spirals and snowballs, you are left with more and more overwhelming feelings of gooey goodness and happiness.
  

Again, this is just a short list. Did I miss anything? Please let me know what you think because everyone has different points of view on this.

Also, Kali says, vote on her blog name poll or she’s going to come and nip your heels. Haha, really, she does not like sharing this blog anymore. Please vote!

I believe that any single person, finding the strength and willpower within themselves can do anything. There is a physical sensation that can be felt that spurs us to break the societal mold of set limits, if not shattering it completely. Perhaps we aren’t stopping bullets and jumping across buildings like in The Matrix but we can find something deep inside our bellies and souls. The theme of this is not necessarily of physical limitations but the more complex bondage of our minds, which then bind us to thoughts about restricted abilities and possibilities.

Scientists debate what innate ability and characteristics human beings are born with. It is the nature versus nurture debate of what makes people who they are, molding them, destining them to an idea of what makes them them. But what of human personality and constitution? Some condemn humans to being a static construction of emotions, traits, attributes, and quality. You are born as you are without much say, sway, or stock in will happen for the rest of your life. Others follow the route that you are a product of your surroundings and the way you were raised. Whatever you believe or what scientists believe, both schools of thought have been deeply integrated into our human psyche, ultimately leaving humans with the notion that they hold no responsibility for themselves in their current state of mind and time based on genetic trappings or outside environmental factors. Of course this is not true all the time mind you, but many times people digress their problems and insecurities away, deflected from any core issues at hand based on them being born a certain way or being raised a certain way or for any other number of reasons. Yes, people have very hard lives and I am not trying to degrade or trivialize what someone may have gone through in their life. The point is not where you place blame; it’s about stepping back from whatever situation you are in and knowing that you have the sole power to better yourself and your life. It begins with you.

Resolve and determination must be consciously nurtured and developed, then ingrained into our tiny, narrow minded view set of what sets the stage of our lives. Stuff like this doesn’t come naturally to the majority of us because we’ve been blanketed into believing that shit happens…and…The End. And I am here to tell you it’s not the end, by no means. Here is where that fiery belly of yours starts screaming to make something of itself. This is the point when the anticipation and excitement of your dreams beat out any previous concerns and fears, UFC style if you know what I mean. No rules for the limitless. Just nitty, gritty, dirt clawing, hammer pounding sweat and determination to do what you want to do; to be a better person, to be happy, to have a better life. There is no reason to believe the negative in the world trying to keep you down. Within your own mind is where the power comes. Unlock it, release it onto the unsuspecting world! Take care to be your own biggest cheerleader and coach at the same time. Strive for the best you can be and STICK TO IT! Let your biggest joys and successes be because you made it happen.

Yesterday was one of those days that lazily pass by without care or worry. It began. The sky was torn between smiles of sunshine and tears of rain. Sprinkles, first wispy, flimsily finding their way to kiss the flowers of spring, their brilliant colors speckled with auras of dew, accentuated against the graying sky. Perhaps it is the contrast that one finds in such small things that makes each more pronounced, even exaggerated one can say. The flowers never seemed so bright even in the midday sun.

The outer exchange of light and dark was mirrored within my own inner dilemmas. Productively, the day light hours seem wasted as I loafed around the house. Each minute passed. Each hour passed. The waning drift of what you think can be done in a set time and place, slowing closing its doors on me and my life. As night fell, the darkness literally and figuratively crept into my thoughts.
      What happened to your power and drive to shine I said?
      It said back, I’m here but I don’t know WHAT to do.
      Why don’t you know I said?
      It said I don’t know what I WANT to do.
      Well we can’t both not know what to do I said.
      It said well we both better do something.
      Ok, it’s settled. We’ll just do SOMETHING I said.
With dwindling hours before my day was done, I did just that: something. I pulled together all the most inner urgings and tough love talk I could, belting myself into action; talking and cajoling nicely at first, then very firmly, then very strongly, then very finitely it was decided that I was back on track! On the ball! All my ducks in a row! WOW!

Without darkness would we every know light? Without negative would we ever know positive? By definition certain things in our lives are based on knowing, feeling, and experiencing the exact opposite of itself. This can be applied to many things such as emotions, happiness/sorrow, or value, importance/insignificance. At times, I feel this great divide between my life of neutrality and a life of action. One never knows how big a difference makes from the small span between nothing to a beginning. And that is what I find fascinating about our lives. It is with both ends of the spectrum that we can shine. It is essential to have a start, a beginning for everyone. It must first rain so we can see how beautiful the rainbow is afterwards.

Today will be: amazing. good. ok. neutral. bad. horrible. unbearable.

How much do you think that we predestine our own lives? I want the distinction to be clear here as it is one of the ultimate debates of time and history: is it destiny that shapes our lives or our own determination and will? How does anything get done or manifested in our personal lives (save the history/political/societal/etc discourse for later) when everything seems “against us”? Is the only thing really “against us” US?

My opinion is that it is US, the ones actually living our life, who are the ones that mold and shape our own destiny. There is a beautiful, electrifying moment where thought and gut feeling fuses together, forming an unstoppable ball of energetic fervor that is thrown out into the universe becoming reality. It is the break point where one more urge, one more daydream, one more obsession finally packs together to become too overwhelming to be non matter in the space of time and mind. Even our own unreasonable doubts, fears, worries, tears, and delusions can’t keep ourselves down. It’s unbelievable, wonderful, tangible reality. Each and every one of us must then ask ourselves if we can handle our own wildest, craziest dreams, embracing each jewel of happiness set before us, showering in the rainbow glistening from the diamonds of contentment. Maybe it’s too bright, too shiny and some turn away, but if you can stare directly into the brightest possibility of your life then you conversely stare down anything else that confronts you. When all else fails, falls away, and you are left standing alone but tall, staring into the depths of the darkest abyss, do you roll over and let destiny lay you out? Or will you be fighting, clawing your way out, screaming to break the barrier, lighting that darkness from the fire blazing in your eyes that has grown from humble embers, burned, yearned, and fueled for years from your own passion, desire, and ambition? What will you do?

If there were a destiny to be had, it is the greater destiny you hold within yourself; the destiny to be bigger than you thought you ever could be. It’s always been there but you are always surprised to find out that you are the best “You” there ever was and will be. This destiny is always changing because you, the great and amazing person that you are, stubbornly decided, “Hey, this is how it’s going be today…tomorrow…and everyday.”

Stop. Just for one minute. Look around and take in your surroundings. Take one deep breath, breathing in through your nose and slowly letting it out through the mouth. Now close your eyes. Take another deep breath, breathing in and out as before. Keep breathing. Acknowledge your thoughts, whatever is going on in your mind. Now, release them into the air. Forget the thoughts and just be there and aware of yourself. If the thoughts return, say hello and goodbye. This is your time to be with yourself, no other distractions including yourself. Silly as it seems this is a time to be resting your mind from worries, feelings, or whatever you need. Breathe in, breathe out. Relax, enjoy being just you, no expectations and no responsibilities. You are here being the best “you” you can be!

Consciously try to be aware and pay attention to your life, and remember…YOU are part of your life too! This is the first moment of many to remember you are here for yourself, to take care of yourself, to support yourself, to be proud of yourself, to forgive yourself, and most importantly to love yourself.

Ala RuPaul, “Remember to love yourself, because if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”